What If?

"What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?... You need only the courage to follow your heart. -Letters to Juliet

I suppose that I'm a hopeless romantic, but I think it goes much deeper than that. I hope. And then I work using my conviction to make those hopes become a reality. I would say that 90 percent of the time, I am working hard, motivating myself and others to keep trying, keep reaching and hopefully succeeding. I'm by no means an expert. I just....hope. I once read that nothing is ever by chance or luck....even if you think it is, it's not. It is by sheer effort and will, that it happens. Two things struck me this week...one that I am exhausted, more mentally than physically, and that I'm losing that shining hope. Secondly, my brother Pete can take credit for this one...how you pray. I confess that this has escaped my notice as of late. The problem with living in a city that moves quickly, is that I tend to focus on the fastest way to get something I want, and then bulldoze my way to get there. If you were to add up all of the many talents God has given me...you'd find that among those patience is almost nonexistent. Hence the bulldozing.

Peter shared this story about a woman that had been praying and praying to get a new husband. The sheer boldness of it made me kind of laugh. But Peter's point, which I think every therapist, psychologist, marriage counselor will tell you, is that rather than praying for a new husband, she should be praying for help to love her husband, and hope that her love will be returned. In fairness, I think I have been praying lately the exact same way....asking for things in a way that requires no work on my part and asking for the wrong things. Pete's point was a good one, and I have been thinking of the right things I should ask for.

Back to hope, and courage. I sometimes worry about the negativity of life sucking up my hope. I see homeless people on the street or the subway, so many a day, and their lives seem lacking in so much hope that I begin to wonder...is reality even more negative than my small view of it? Well. I don't know the answer to that. But I do know, that it is far better to be a Pollyanna than a bummer bob. What If. Those two words elicit hope in any kind of darkness, the courage to keep going, and the motivation I need to continue towards my lofty goals....I know I'll reach them, and I am learning to love each moment it takes to get me there!!