"What we got is, just like driving on an open highway, never knowing what we're gonna find...that's our kind of love..." -Lady Antebellum
Is it just me, or does being surrounded by a concrete jungle that traps the humid heat of the summer, make you want to rebel? I can't stop hitting play on my country music playlist while I picture green pastures (in arid climates), and a miraculous ability to ride horses like a born cowgirl. A special thanks goes out to Aubrey Potter for feeding a fellow city girl's guilty pleasure with her country playlist on spotify.
There's something about getting engaged/married that has some people suddenly convinced that you've figured out the "secret" to dating. In some people's minds it's like I've gone from still-single-upper-twenty-year-old-with-old-maid-potential to relationship expert extraordinaire, seemingly overnight. I've gotten a lot of questions (from women) along the lines of "How did you do it?! How did you know he was the one? How did you get him to date you? Do I just need to put myself out there more? And how did you get him to propose?" Some ask with a feeling of near-desperation, which I would be the first to identify with, given times that I felt alone and wondered whether I was even marriage material. Others ask with genuine wonder and awe, and then there are the few that ask with a slight edge of skepticism and disbelief. Truthfully I've probably felt all three emotions at different moments, so no judgment there.
But it reminded me that I used to think that those that got married had figured out how to play the "dating" game, and had played it well. That the people who got married knew what they wanted and knew how to get it, while the rest of us were still aimlessly wandering in and out of quickie relationships that barely made it to the three month mark before collapsing in yet another (seemingly) failure.
I knew my husband for nearly two years before we started dating. Meanwhile, I was one of those people that was in a constant panic that if I didn't show up at this or that singles event, I might "miss" my one chance to meet my future husband. The irony doesn't stop there. Three years ago we went on our first date and it was a no-go when I started grilling him about his future career track before we'd even looked at the menu.
I spent the next year and a half praying for God to send me a husband...or just even, a long-term boyfriend...or sometimes, just any guy that would interest me. I wondered if maybe I should move? Was I hurting my chances for love with such a busy job? Was I too intense? Too ambitious? Too uptight, too emotional and should I maybe take up yoga and perfect my dinner cooking-for-two skills?
Meanwhile, I'd run into my future husband at church every Sunday, randomly outside the NYPL library, at parties, firesides, moving people in our ward, etc. And still I prayed to meet someone who, as Splash likes to say, would "make my socks sizzle." Eventually, after a year and a half, I went skiing with him, and my eyes were opened to how talented, funny, smart, kind, rugged, spiritual and athletic he was...and I realized, he did indeed make my socks sizzle.
I've since thought about the many hundred opportunities we had to date each other that we didn't take. If there's one thing I've learned from dating, it's faith in God and trusting in yourself. Don't waste time wondering if your latest breakup was supposed to be "the one", if maybe you should get back together or if maybe your shot at love has passed. You can miss opportunities, try to force relationships that just won't work, but when you turn your faith and trust to God, you can't go wrong. God always wants you to be happy; I wish my younger single-self understood that more, because it means that he will always and continually provide you with the knowledge and opportunities to be so. Technically, marriage is a choice and a marriage proposal offers the choice of 'yes' or 'no', but in my case, it felt a lot like choosing a destiny God had patiently and many times, tried to show me.
There's something about getting engaged/married that has some people suddenly convinced that you've figured out the "secret" to dating. In some people's minds it's like I've gone from still-single-upper-twenty-year-old-with-old-maid-potential to relationship expert extraordinaire, seemingly overnight. I've gotten a lot of questions (from women) along the lines of "How did you do it?! How did you know he was the one? How did you get him to date you? Do I just need to put myself out there more? And how did you get him to propose?" Some ask with a feeling of near-desperation, which I would be the first to identify with, given times that I felt alone and wondered whether I was even marriage material. Others ask with genuine wonder and awe, and then there are the few that ask with a slight edge of skepticism and disbelief. Truthfully I've probably felt all three emotions at different moments, so no judgment there.
But it reminded me that I used to think that those that got married had figured out how to play the "dating" game, and had played it well. That the people who got married knew what they wanted and knew how to get it, while the rest of us were still aimlessly wandering in and out of quickie relationships that barely made it to the three month mark before collapsing in yet another (seemingly) failure.
I knew my husband for nearly two years before we started dating. Meanwhile, I was one of those people that was in a constant panic that if I didn't show up at this or that singles event, I might "miss" my one chance to meet my future husband. The irony doesn't stop there. Three years ago we went on our first date and it was a no-go when I started grilling him about his future career track before we'd even looked at the menu.
I spent the next year and a half praying for God to send me a husband...or just even, a long-term boyfriend...or sometimes, just any guy that would interest me. I wondered if maybe I should move? Was I hurting my chances for love with such a busy job? Was I too intense? Too ambitious? Too uptight, too emotional and should I maybe take up yoga and perfect my dinner cooking-for-two skills?
Meanwhile, I'd run into my future husband at church every Sunday, randomly outside the NYPL library, at parties, firesides, moving people in our ward, etc. And still I prayed to meet someone who, as Splash likes to say, would "make my socks sizzle." Eventually, after a year and a half, I went skiing with him, and my eyes were opened to how talented, funny, smart, kind, rugged, spiritual and athletic he was...and I realized, he did indeed make my socks sizzle.
I've since thought about the many hundred opportunities we had to date each other that we didn't take. If there's one thing I've learned from dating, it's faith in God and trusting in yourself. Don't waste time wondering if your latest breakup was supposed to be "the one", if maybe you should get back together or if maybe your shot at love has passed. You can miss opportunities, try to force relationships that just won't work, but when you turn your faith and trust to God, you can't go wrong. God always wants you to be happy; I wish my younger single-self understood that more, because it means that he will always and continually provide you with the knowledge and opportunities to be so. Technically, marriage is a choice and a marriage proposal offers the choice of 'yes' or 'no', but in my case, it felt a lot like choosing a destiny God had patiently and many times, tried to show me.
Love this, Lauren! I felt a lot of those same things a couple years back when Nate and I got married. Congratulations!
ReplyDelete